Diagnosis: Mixed Anxiety and Depressive Disorder

There is nothing more depressing than being told you have depression

Six days ago I had anxiety which was brought on worse by stress. Now I have Mixed Anxiety and Depressive Disorder. I'm thankful for a diagnosis but it also makes it seem more real which is a little scary. The World Healthy Organisation defines this disorders as 'when symptoms of anxiety and depression are both present, but neither is clearly predominant, and neither type of symptom is present to the extent that justifies a diagnosis if considered separately'. Sounds fun.

To be honest, I am just sick of people ignoring the fact that I do have mental health issues. People forget that I'm not going to be happy-go-lucky all the time and that I am going to be down and I think that with a full diagnosis they'll remember. I could be totally wrong but it'll be nice to see.

In terms of my exams, I have applied for something known as an 'extenuating circumstance', or EC, which means I can sit my exams in a month and a half. This is throwing my anxiety around like nobody's business thought since I handed in all of the forms 48 hours ago and I'm yet to hear anything about it. So many people have told me to stop worrying but it is so much easier said than done for me. The idea of an EC is that if something occurs out of your control that will affect your exam performance you get to wait until it all clears up. This includes the worsening of a long term illness aka what I'm dealing with. But we'll just have to wait and try not to get panicked about it. Again, easier said than done.

I've been to see the wellbeing support team at my university and they have told me about support that is available. There is a lot of it. I thought I had to just put up with my anxiety but apparently I don't. I will get extra support from staff, more flexible deadlines (more likely to get extensions if I'm having a bad week) and the possibility of longer time allowances on exams. I don't think I need it but it might make me a little more at ease knowing that it's there.

On the side of my physical health, I'm the most I think I've ever been in my life. I'm also tackling a UTI (just look it up) and stomach cramps. Still very nauseas too, and I have the worst constipation imaginable (TMI?). It's just not a good week for me. All I want is a cuddle from my boyfriend and for him to tell me it's all going to be okay, even though I know it isn't. 

Anyway, I'm done moaning for now. I'm going to go back to binge watching Episodes which I've done for the past two days because moving from bed is a struggle and I have only done so to eat, use the toilet and to go into uni to get form after form signed. It's not enjoyable, it's not fun and it's definitely not easy.

Lots of Love x